


Nothing is wrong comma

by peculiairyties (ItsAiryBro)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Descriptions of Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Hurt/comfort kind of?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAiryBro/pseuds/peculiairyties
Summary: Anxiety, and the distractions that help.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 94





	Nothing is wrong comma

Hm.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Kuroo sits down, leans his head against the back of his chair, and considers.

He isn’t hungry. He ate a short while ago, a good, hearty meal he’d cooked at home, simple but tasty. He ate his fill, drank water, had a square of chocolate after, for dessert.

He isn’t in pain, his head isn’t hurting, he doesn’t feel  _ tired _ tired, just his usual baseline tired, which isn’t too bad. He doesn’t have anything to do that needs his immediate attention, he doesn’t have any big tests coming up, he doesn’t have any presentations, he doesn’t have anything he needs to submit tonight. He’d just paid off the last months bills and he would have enough money to pay this month’s bills.

There is, objectively, nothing wrong.

He asks himself anyway. 

What’s wrong?

Nothing is wrong,

There. That odd inflection at the end that’s usually followed by something. Usually a But, or an And, or a However, or a Yet, there is a list of words that usually follow, but this time, there is nothing that follows.

Nothing is wrong, he repeats to himself.

That can’t be though. Something is wrong.

Nothing is wrong,

Nothing is wrong, but? Something is definitely wrong.

No,

No?

No,

Are you sure?

Yes, nothing is wrong,

Hm.

Kuroo gets up and goes to his bed. He lays down, flat on his back, and stares at the ceiling. Hmmm.

Something is wrong, even though nothing is wrong.

For fucks sake. He could at least have an anxiety attack when he actually had something to be anxious _about._

Instead he’s lying in bed pressing both hands just a little off to the side of the center of his chest, feeling his pounding heartbeat, feeling the expanding emptiness that’s pushing his sternum out of alignment and pulling his ribs apart and stretching his costal cartilage, trying to hold himself together with ten fingers and two palms that are big enough to deflect volleyball cannonballs but will never be big enough to cover up the chasm in his chest.

He should be grateful, he supposes. There are no teeth trying to bite at his diaphragm, there are no claws shredding his lungs, there is no super-gravity dragging him to the ground and keeping him there, gasping for breath on his knees.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Kuroo stares straight up, squinting against the bright white of his lights. The speckled pattern of the ceiling is like a numb leg.

Hmmmmm.

He tries again. Because what else will he do?

What’s wrong?

Nothing is wrong,

Nothing is wrong at all,

Nothing,

Nothing wrong,

Nothing wrong, nothing wrong, nothing, nothing, nothing,

Nothing, nothing

Nothing nothing nothign nothing northing notgihng nothingn nothingnothing nothing ntohing nothing nothing not hing noyhoitng noth in g n ot hing noth ino thing nothi n gno th ing 

He squeezes his eyes closed. His sternum wants to erupt from his chest. He sees fleeting glimpses of cross-sections of the earth, tectonic plates moving together, colliding, rising. The Himalayas were formed when the Indian continental plate connected with the Eurasian continental plate millions of years ago. The Indian continental plate continues to move toward the Eurasian continental plate even today. The Himalayas continue to rise every year. Tetsurou knows this because he is smart and remembers things. He knows objective facts. He knows his sternum isn’t actually going to pierce through his skin.

He knows nothing is wrong,

He continues to hold his sternum down. 

Hmmmmmmmmm _mmmmmmmm._

His phone vibrates once. Twice. Thrice. Four times. Five times.

It stops.

He continues to hold his sternum down. 

His phone vibrates once. Twice. Thrice.

He keeps one hand on his chest and uses the other to pick it up and see who’s calling. A classmate’s name pops up. 

He feels it vibrate in his hand 2 more times before it stops. He puts the phone down and brings his hand back to his chest. 

He takes a deep breath in through his mouth, imagines he can feel his lungs expand to take it in, and lets it escape through his nose. 

Hmmmmmm. 

Still, nothing is wrong,

“Hmmmmmmm,” he says out loud. He holds the tone. The way the noise travels through his chest is unpleasant. He stops.

He continues to hold himself down. _Hmmmm._

His phone vibrates once. Twice.

He picks it up. It’s Bokuto. He doesn’t want to talk. But he wants to talk to Bokuto.

His phone vibrates.

He doesn’t want to talk. But Bokuto will worry. 

His phone vibrates. 

If he doesn’t answer, Bokuto will worry. 

His phone vibrates. 

Bokuto will worry. Bokuto will worry. 

His phone stops vibrating.

His phone goes dark. His phone lights up. It vibrates.

_Kuroo, are u free? I need hep with hw, can u explian smth_  
_Lemme knw if ur busy, ill ask smone else_

Hmmmmmm.

Bokuto wanted his help for homework. If Kuroo didn’t do this, Bokuto would have to trouble someone else, and that person might not bother explaining it properly to Bokuto. If Bokuto didn’t understand it properly, he wouldn’t do well on his assignment and would not get a good grade. If his grades dropped Bokuto would get in trouble with the volleyball coach. Ergo, Kuroo needed to help Bokuto with his homework.

_I can’t talk rn, but if you want i can screenshare and you can watch me solve it_

Bokuto responds immediately. _Yeah, that’d be great!_

Kuroo drags himself out of bed and plops back down on his desk chair. He takes his tablet and video calls Bokuto.

Bokuto answers, loud and genial. Kuroo smiles and starts typing. Bokuto emails him the assignment. There are five questions. Each question has ten subparts. Kuroo grits his teeth.

Fucking stat professors. 

He picks up his stylus and starts solving.

Bokuto asks him to explain question one subpart three. Kuroo types out his explanations.

Bokuto makes a joke about the wording of question two subpart five. Kuroo smiles.

Bokuto asks how to identify which formula to use for question three subpart four. Kuroo answers with brief sentences.

Bokuto sends him a meme after they finish question three subpart ten. Kuroo snickers. Then he types out ‘YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING STATS NOT LOOKING AT MEMES’. Bokuto laughs.

Bokuto starts to lose focus as Kuroo solves question four subpart six. Kuroo starts to talk, asking him questions to keep him focused and make sure he understands. 

Kuroo is crying laughing by the time they get to question five subpart seven. Bokuto is trying to explain how he got an answer of five when the actual answer is seven hundred and eighty two.

Kuroo finishes question five subpart ten. Bokuto entices him into watching a movie. Kuroo, ever a sucker for his buoyant voice and belly laughs, agrees.

Two hours later, Kuroo ends the call, and notes he feels almost human again. None of his bones are trying to escape his body. The humming in his head has faded to the background.

Nothing is wrong.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


(for now.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmm. -thoughtfully eats a gummy bear-
> 
> Talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ItsAiryBro) or [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/ItsAiryBro)✌️


End file.
